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| MRS BILL: SHAKE YOUR HEAD TODAY |
| Maybe there's something
in the water here. I advise drinking only boiled water. Seriously.
"Beaver fever" is the result of thawing feces getting into the
water supply. Think "salmonella" or "food poisoning". Think
bottled water.
Hey, I don't make this stuff up.
Edmonton: The City of Bylaws. Make sure you buy a permit
from the Bylaw Office (conveniently part of the Edmonton Police
Force) before you hold a garage sale. You can hold 2 such sales per year.
I've called 9-1-1 twice to report vehicle accidents
outside my home. Both times I was told that, unless I was involved
in, and injured during, the accident, 9-1-1 was not going to respond.
Maybe I've just had a run of bad luck here ...
Own a cat? Neutered/spayed cat with a
microchip or tattoo: $10 per year.
Ever driven in a traffic circle? There are (at last
count) 5 of them left in Edmonton. What kind of crack was Brainiac
on when he installed these? The rule is: the vehicle on the left
has the right of way, even when this vehicle wishes to make a right
turn directly into you. The reality is: avoid traffic circles.
Don't jaywalk. Don't even attempt to cross the street
unless you are
absolutely positive you will reach the opposite curb before the light
turns yellow. There is a hefty fine for jaywalking, and this fine is
also served if you don't get to the opposite curb in time. FYI, there
isn't enough time to reach the other curb before the light turns against
you. Walking in Edmonton has become an expensive activity.
Yes, I've crossed several roads in Edmonton. The yellow
warning light always flashes once I hit the middle of the street. No
wonder people give up and jaywalk. Of course, the rule here is, the
pedestrian is always right. Sometimes dead right.
Speaking of expensive, don't be fooled by reports that
the cost of living
is lower here. Be sure to ask "Lower than where?" and get certified
documents to prove the claims.
Need a giggle? Bring your out-of-province car for
a provincially-required inspection. You'll laugh your way into some
major repair charges for unnecessary repairs, because without proof
of those repairs, you'll be stopped and charged for driving an
unsafe vehicle. Since this only affects out-of-province vehicles,
you'll be full of mirth observing the uninspected vehicles born
and raised in this province. You'll giggle uncontrollably while
you wonder how the drivers have enough nerve to manoeuver such
death traps. You're gonna love it here.
Do you live in Toronto, Montreal or Ottawa?
Look at your take-home pay.
That amount translates into what your approximate gross income (before
deductions) will be in Edmonton. Expect to make about 75% of what you
are currently earning, especially if you work in the I.T. industry.
Speaking of I.T., check out my I.T. job listings for Edmonton.
Bring your vehicle to work in Edmonton. Employers
seem to require this.
You won't necessarily receive any reimbursement for it, and make sure
you have business-level insurance on it since you will likely be using
your car as part of your job. I don't care if you're a secretary, you'll
be making deliveries or picking up items with your vehicle. You might
even have to pick up co-workers who have been stranded elsewhere when
a company vehicle broke down. Don't expect compensation for this. It's
part of your job.
Would I lie to you? The Alberta Labour Board employees
I've spoken with have assured me this is "normal business procedure".
You might refuse to use your vehicle, and then find yourself
unemployed.
Speaking of jobs: most are part-time, unless you secure
a full-time job before moving
into the city. Worse luck for you if your references are out-of-town; many
employers don't seem to subscribe to a long-distance calling program and
are highly reluctant to call anywhere outside the immediate Edmonton calling
area to verify employment.
Oh, and Easterners - those of us who have worked anywhere
east of Saskatchewan - are not Westerners. We're barely Canadian here.
National unity seems to be an oxymoron.
Strong backs only need apply: plenty of manual
labour jobs here, as long as
you bring your own steel-toed boots and hard hat. Best be skilled
in a trade and have several years of verifiable (translation:
Edmonton-based) experience. With all of this,
a skilled carpenter can make $7.00/hour, as long as the carpenter brings
personal tools to work. In the carpenter's personal vehicle, of course.
Imagine, $7.00 an hour. Before deductions. Oh, and you'll
have deductions for your uniform, if one is required. Although I've heard
rumours that MacDonald's supplies free uniforms. If your workplace requires
a uniform, buy it and wear it or you'll be fired for non-compliance.
Find a place to live before you actually move here,
since rental accomodations
are harder to find than they should be, cost more than they are worth,
and generally don't allow pets. If you're buying a home, make sure all the
paperwork is fully legal and in your hands before making the big move.
Boardwalk Equities seems to own most rental properties
in Edmonton. Try renting from an individual homeowner if you can. Insist
on a lease. Rents control doesn't exist. Your rent can be raised 3 times
a year without a lease. Of course, with a lease, there's the threat that
you'll be held liable for any outstanding rent if you move before the
end of your lease ... with the low vacancy rate in Edmonton, you likely
won't have a problem finding someone to take over your lease. NOTE: damage
deposits are required in most cases, and generally amount to one month's
rent. Kiss that goodbye when you leave - you'll likely never see it again.
Few, if any, renters get their damage deposits back. It's amazing how much
damage the landlords can find after you move. Even when the damage existed
before you moved in.
Oh, does it snow here every year? Edmonton has a
budget for snow removal. Edmonton city council usually figures the
city will have one snow fall each winter. Imagine a city
in northern Canada in the middle of
February when the city streets haven't been plowed ... nuff said.
Minus 40 degrees is cold, no matter how low the
humidity is supposed to be. Since this is too cold for salt to
melt ice, Edmonton streets are occasionally treated to sand for
increased tire traction.
Take your glasses off! In the winter, your glasses
can freeze and break while on your
face, no joke. This is why insurance for vehicle windshields is sold as a
separate policy. Expect your windshield to crack every winter, and to pay
higher and higher insurance premiums as a result. This is, of course, a
separate issue from the number of windshield claims as a result of road
damage; it also explains why so many drivers give up and try to see the
road through badly-cracked windshields. Which also explains, in part, why
there are so many accidents in Edmonton.
Imagine being rear-ended while sitting at a stoplight.
Imagine this happening 3 times in the first 3 months in your new city
of residence. Could driver error, along with poor road and vehicle
conditions, have anything to do with this? Oh, maybe that's just my
string of bad luck again .....
Regarding winter: get an auto-starter for your vehicle,
or better yet, start your own auto-starter retail sales company.
There's a huge market here.
Make sure you can plug your car in at nights in the
winter. Of course, this drives up your electric bill. Which you can
then pay for from your minimum-wage paycheque from your part-time job.
Or jobs. You'll need more than one job to keep your car on the road.
Know something about Wayne Gretzky before entering
into a conversation with
an Edmontonian. Chances are, Wayne is a personal god for the Edmontonian.
If you know nothing about hockey, use the phrase
"Wayne's the greatest".
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